I bid thee farewell

This blog has been many things for me personally. It was the first blog I created other than my totally outdated blogger account that everyone had in the late 90s. It has been a place for me to find myself, and in this I found a lot of dear friends and subscribers. I had a clear purpose for this blog, to document my struggle with my autistic son and to share the joys of being a young first time mother. And up to now I feel like I have stayed true to this purpose.

But now, due to a very personal string of events, I feel like this blog has failed in it’s original purpose. What I created it for is no longer relevant. I have considered just taking it down, but I feel like it still has some useful information. And that ultimately was what I had hoped for. To all my followers, I thank you. To everyone who finds this site after this post, I welcome you to read about and learn about my precious baby boy. That truly is my wish.

I will continue to post from my other blog: thethoughtnazi but I will be shutting down my Bianca T Co Productions blog as well due to lack of interest on my part.

Thanks to everyone who supported my journey.

Many Blessings,

About Black Friday Kmart 2012 Shopper’s threat ‘I will stab one of you.

I recently started working at KMart. When I saw my schedule and that I was supposed to work from 7am-11am and then turn around and come back in from 8pm that night until 5 am on Black friday, giving up my holiday in favor of sleep, to then turn around and come back 1pm-10pm on black friday i was debating wither or not to quit. After seeing this video, I have made up my mind. Please everyone, This is a day to give thanks. Remember that the cashier who you are impatiently waiting on isn’t gonna go home to a hot meal like you are. Give them the extra time in line, or hop on the register with them for a 12 hour day! Rant over, please enjoy the video. I don’t own rights to this vid nor did I create it. all credit goes to whom it is due.

Woo Hoo

Woo Hoo

This is for all the Mommies who put their kids and or work before themselves. Keep on doing your thing, but also you deserve some you time. We work so hard :)

Tragic endings breed learning and knowlege

I have an unsatiable thirst for knowlege lately. I will be attending college in January and will even be footing the bill. No grants or loans for this gal. Ive been tweeting and googling and youtubing like no other, trying to soak up as much wisdom as i can.

Im reminded tho with each search term what today is. I cant visit google.com without seeing 9/11 everywhere. Not that its a bad thing. It helps to look back at where we have come as a country so we appreciate where we are headed. Take time today to remember the lives lost. Hug ur children because u dont know when u may get another chance. Hug them a little longer and tell them u love them. Sure they know it,but say it anyway. Be glad ur here to spend the day with them. Do it in remembrance of the mothers and fathers and sons and daughters who wont be spending time with their families today because their spending the rest of their lives with God.

Poisonous Mommy

There’s many things we do to protect our kids. Some are pretty straight forward such as advising them not to touch the stove or to pick their shoes up from the top of the stairs. No one would argue the fact that these are great ways to keep our children safe. But there’s a fine line between simple things such as that and the things I find my self saying lately. You see, a few days ago I got a bad case of poison Ivy. I have never in my life had it, so imagine my surprise when I learn (the very hard way) that I am allergic. To try and describe my suffering wouldn’t do it justice and I’m really not trying to be a martyr. But I will say Poison Ivy in your eye really hurts. Yes, that’s right; I said IN MY EYE. It’s so rediculous how much of my body is covered in red splotches.

So, The only plan I devised to keep Zaden from getting it is to forbid him from touching me. It’s the hardest thing I’ve done in 25 years to tell my kid no when he says “Mommy, want kiss” and sticks his lower lip out at me and then proceeds to throw a king sized tantrum. Which places me in front of another delema… since I can’t really scold him for throwing a fit due to his mom refusing to kiss him. Every time I think the day can’t get worse, some kind of poison sets in. But it’s okay, lot’s of good things are happening today. I found out I am stronger than some plant!

I hope you are all having a fabulous Monday. (Those words really shouldn’t be together in any sentence ever)

Babble babble what?

By the age of 4 most kids should meet set milestones. Most kidz can form sentences of several words. Most kids can understand and comply with simple requests. But most kids aren’t like Zaden. Most kids don’t have autism and those who do aren’t my child with his unique.issues. I love my Zaden but not being able to communicate is hard. But i know some day, things will get better. Im holding on to that as my inspiration. It has to get better right?

When your words become your legacy

Angry Talk (Comic Style)

Angry Talk (Comic Style) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ll be honest with you, there are days when I wake up and wonder how I get here. This life spent unemployed, with a child who undermines me, and a Daddy who is worse. There are days I wake up at 7am like usual, and roll back over until 10 when I have to be dragged from my bed. I’ll warn you, this won’t be one of my more chipper posts.

Today, I have been yelled at, cussed at, told “I hate you”, called a liar, been told I’ve done nothing all day (more on this later, it deserves a separate rant) in no particular order, by at least one male in this house today. And it’s driving me bonkers.

I have done the laundry, washed dishes, attempted to once again potty train my son, and written a few articles for a few content mills to get some income into this house. But yet, I really have done nothing today. It’s 1:23pm, and I’m ready to go back to bed. Forget dinner, forget the half a million other things I have planned, and just go back to bed and wake up tomorrow. Or not, I really don’t care at this point.

I am sorry to everyone who doesn’t like what I have to say just now. But this is real, and it’s me, and that’s what I blog about. Thanks for reading.

Taming the beast

English: The Hudson Sea Monster. Seeing as no ...

English: The Hudson Sea Monster. Seeing as no one else put forth the effort to make a visual reference to this beast, I did. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You know the feeling, after a long hard day, when you come home, flop on your couch turn on the tv, and just try to veg out? Of course you do. Everyone has those days occasionally, some more so than others. Chances are if you’re a mother, then you also know what it’s like when half way through your veg fest, your thoughts are interrupted by a loud and demanding “MOM!” This is usually closely followed by you prying your limp body off the couch and dragging yourself to their room to complete some such task. Usually killing a spider or scaring away a monster, or looking at the painting the made on the hallway walls, and then later on cleaning up the masterpiece.

This, has been my life for the last week. I haven’t scraped any paintings off the walls lately, but I have scared away a few closet monsties who were picking on my baby boy.

Can you remember a time when all you wanted was to relax, but instead your other job (being a mom) took over? I’d love to hear about it.

Waiving the white flag

Sun Pillar

Sun Pillar (Photo credit: tomhe)

Some see surrender as defeat. Afterall, in a football game, what happens when one team doesn’t show? It’s a forfeit and the team who managed to show up wins by default. The team who was MIA is basically surrendering (although rarely willingly) to the team who managed to make it to the game. I am one of those people.

I am the type of person who refuses to ask for help when I have a problem. I’m not talking about locating the Produce isle in a store. No. I’ll ask for that so I can leave quicker and not have to wander around for 15 minutes trying to find it. I’m talking huge things.

Things that can cause me to not live the best quality life. I’ve never noticed how mentally and emotionally unhealthy my life is. I always manage to appear together in public. My private life, if some one saw it, I can’t even image what would go on inside that person’s mind.

My goal for the rest of 2013, is to live my life in a more positive and self promoting way. No more self destruction. No more false appearances. I am going to be the me, that I always knew I was.

Who is the person you are? Who do you want to be? Are they the same? I’d love to hear your comments.

Potty training the untrainable

I find myself in a place I sore I’d never be, doing something I swore I would never do. We have all done this to some degree. Like shouting something at your kids that you told yourself 5 or 10 or 15 years ago when your mom shouted it at you, that you would NEVER say that to your kids. But I’m not talking about that. No, this is much more complex. I’m talking about potty training my four year old.


Now, you can say and think what you want. But trust me, I’ve seen and heard it all. And It’s not like we haven’t been trying. For the last year and a half, everyday, every hour, we throw him on the potty. I’ve purchased 4 different kinds thinking that maybe he will like a Sponge Bob one, or Bob the Builder. Once we were at a store and he said he wanted a Dora one and despite the cashiers looks we bought it. We took it home, unwrapped it and he refused to sit on it. He uses it now as a step stool in his room.


It seems that he may just  untrainable. Yes, I know that’s a made up word, but it’s the perfect word to describe my Zaden. Although today I’m praying for a breakthrough. Just like yesterday and the day before. It feels like I’m the only mother of a four year old who tries this hard, and still had to buy diapers. So, what do you think? Am I alone?


it's potty time!

it’s potty time! (Photo credit: theparadigmshifter)