Blog: Another entry for February 10, 2010

I’m not usually going to write more than one a day. At least I don’t plan on it anyway, but I just feel the need to write. Maybe I’ll start with a little back ground on why I started this blog in the first place. I have a good sized extended family, most of which live out of state and all live away from the town I grew up in. Obviously there is a need for us all to stay connected. WordPress has a great feature that I haven’t seen in other blog hosting sites, where there is a comment section that you can post replies to different blog entries. I like this for the simple fact that you do not need to be a member of this site to post a comment. It also gives me to option to approve or deny posts from my pages to keep it clean. The fact that anyone can post might cause a problem in the future.

I love my family a great deal and want to stay connected. I felt this was a good medium in which to do that. A blog for those of you not familiar with the term is a lot like an online journal. The author can write about anything they want. My chosen topic is my son Zaden.

Another reason I started this blog is to reach out to others who have children or maybe want children and are not sure about it. My blog is real, and deep and nothing will be with held. It’s very tell it like it is. If you sugar coat a story, then nonfiction becomes nothing more than a novel, a tale you have woven from falsehood. That’s not what I want this to be.

I’m not sure in what way I think this blog could help others, but I think my love for writing and my love for my son, are something I want to share with everyone.

Everyone that has ever had a child will tell you that their baby is the cutest that ever was. I will tell you they are both wrong and right. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It is in the arms that hug, the lips that kiss, and the heart that loves. In that sense every baby in the world is beautiful. They are the most amazing creature two people could ever make. It is nature’s way of letting you know the world will go on. It does. It takes some time, but it indeed goes on with vigor and intense energy and propels you into the future head first leaving you no time to buckle up and strap in for the ride. In short, every baby is the most beautiful one that ever was to that who has them.

In another view, parents are wrong because to tell another parent that their son or daughter is the best earns nothing but scoffs, and gafaws. My son is the most wonderful creature that has ever been born. To this date there has never been another child as lovely and lively and perfect as he is. That makes you feel like I’m bragging doesn’t it? Well, that’s because I am. Zaden is my life and my world, he is the very reason my heart beats, the reason my lungs take in my next breath. His blog is a place for me to share with others my thoughts and feelings on his growth and his desires and my desires for him to be strong and healthy and happy.

There is no other purpose than that for my writing. I want to share my gift of words, and the gift of love my son showers me with every morning when he wakes with a smile. Or the tears of joy I let trickle down my cheeks at another milestone passed. Watching him grow is bittersweet. It’s the most rewarding feeling that some one so close to my heart is maturing everyday in leaps and bounds. But it also jerks me back into reality that my little baby is not so little any more. The once fragile infant that I could place on the sofa and turn my back to grab something and not think for a minute that he would fall, is now close to crawling. After that comes walking, and running, and all kinds of other things that I used to look forward to with hopeful eyes, and a wishful soul. Now, they are accompanied by worry, and a fear that I’m not as good a mom as I wish to be.

He is teaching me patience, perseverance, love, and mercy. He is teaching me to love what I’ve got, change my desire for what I don’t have, or to try harder to find a way to get it. I now see somethings in life don’t matter. If it will effect your life down the road, if the out come will be altered in some drastic way then it’s worth fighting for. But if the floor needs to be swept four times today, then break out the broom. If it helps my son learn to feed himself, then I’ll sweep every second of the day if need be.

The funny thing about kids, is when you are one, the whole world looks different. Your parents are mean, your teachers don’t know what their talking about, authority doesn’t get you. When you grow up and take a step back and actually look at life, you start to see that your parents actually love you. They didn’t let you do what you wanted because they cared enough to teach you the right way to go in life. You find that your teachers insisted that you learn your ABC’s because some day you would need to fill out a college application, or an application for a loan for your first house, or your child’s birth certificate. When you look at life through the eyes of maturity and not the ignorance of youth, you begin to notice things that you should have listened to.

Then you have children of your own, and you learn about karma. Things your parents told you that you swore to yourself you would never say to your kids spew out from your lips, and you cry. Not because you failed yourself. Not because you said it despite your “better judgement” but because you see that they were right. 100 percent, they were dead on and you were the one who didn’t get it. They were mean, and you knew what was best for yourself. Then one day a miniature version of some one you know a little too well, says something you’ve heard come out of your mouth a million times in retort to authority and you snap. Suddenly you say things you told yourself you wouldn’t. Overtaken by the spirit of your mom or dad, and you can almost hear them chuckling in the distance “I told you so”.

This is what growing up get’s us. This the chance we all took when we wanted to grow up. This is one aspect of parenting I dread. Not because it scares me. But because it will teach me things about myself I’m not ready to face. There’s not much in this world that scares me. But a 26 inch 22 pound chubby legged 8 month old scares me to death. I am completely aware of how little things have to do with ME anymore. I’m starting to think they never did. That a world that once moved around my orbit could turn it’s focus to a little boy that possibly will one day do something great. He is by far the center of my world. And everyone around him falls into rotation. Like they should.

These are the thoughts I want to pour into this blog. These feelings, and emotions, and these trials. I want the whole world to know that Zaden Christian is far more than an 8 month old boy, he is the center of so many lives. He will do great things. This I am sure of.

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