This is my first memories of my son Zaden. The innocence paired with his fragility brought to mind what I had always pictured when I thought of an infant. His first few days after I brought him hone from the hospital proved to be a rough start as I tried to get us both into a routine. From bottles to diaper changes to spit-up stained clothing needing to be changed to figuring out when and how often to let him play on a blanket, the first months after his birth were challenging to say the least. If only I had known that those were the easy days!
Yes, I had family and friends who told me to enjoy them, that things would only be more difficult as time went by. But, like most first time mothers I knew everything about my son, and they were all crazy. I should have listened to them. The warnings they heeded went in one ear and out the other, instead of being a caution to me. They were 100 percent right.
I still love my son, perhaps more now than I ever have. I seem to find room in my heart everyday for more love to grow, and expand my depth to which my heart holds all this love. The picture above shows a much simpler time in my son’s first year, which is steady coming to a close. I some times wish for them back, but then I think of all the wonderful things he can do now that he couldn’t, and I wonder why I would ever dream of going back there.
The “Mama”s and “Dada”s and “Bye-bye”s and waves and fish faces and “mooshes” that he gives brings a smile to my soul and tears to my eyes. This is why I’m doing this, this is why I’m a Mommy. This is the one job I will ever have that I will put my heart and soul into. Even though the paycheck is lousy, the hours suck and I’m on call 24/7 the benefits by far out weigh the bad. To know that some day my son will say “I love you” and look at me the way he does (A look I have dubbed my “mommy look”) is so very worth it.
This is what my little angel looks like now at 8 months. Same smile, same piercing eyes, same wonderful attitude different abilities and strengths.