Zaden: When your “little baby” Stops wanting to be little.

Zaden: 05-25-09

Zaden's first picture ever taken 05-25-09

This is my first memories of my son Zaden. The innocence paired with his fragility brought to mind what I had always pictured when I thought of an infant. His first few days after I brought him hone from the hospital proved to be a rough start as I tried to get us both into a routine.  From bottles to diaper changes to spit-up stained clothing needing to be changed to figuring out when and how often to let him play on a blanket, the first months after his birth were challenging to say the least. If only I had known that those were the easy days!

Yes, I had family and friends who told me to enjoy them, that things would only be more difficult as time went by. But, like most first time mothers I knew everything about my son, and they were all crazy. I should have listened to them. The warnings they heeded went in one ear and out the other, instead of being a caution to me. They were 100 percent right.

I still love my son, perhaps more now than I ever have. I seem to find room in my heart everyday for more love to grow, and expand my depth to which my heart holds all this love. The picture above shows a much simpler time in my son’s first year, which is steady coming to a close. I some times wish for them back, but then I think of all the wonderful things he can do now that he couldn’t, and I wonder why I would ever dream of going back there.

The “Mama”s and “Dada”s and “Bye-bye”s and waves and fish faces and “mooshes” that he gives brings a smile to my soul and tears to my eyes. This is why I’m doing this, this is why I’m a Mommy. This is the one job I will ever have that I will put my heart and soul into. Even though the paycheck is lousy, the hours suck and I’m on call 24/7 the benefits by far out weigh the bad. To know that some day my son will say “I love you” and look at me the way he does (A look I have dubbed my “mommy look”) is so very worth it.

Zaden: Now

This is what my little angel looks like now at 8 months. Same smile, same piercing eyes, same wonderful attitude different abilities and strengths.


2 responses to “Zaden: When your “little baby” Stops wanting to be little.

  1. This is really neat and it’s great to read your thoughts on motherhood. I hope you’ll continue to update this because it would be really neat to show it to him one day. Of course, being a boy he might not care. But whatever. Wouldn’t it be cool to read someone’s thoughts about you as a baby?

    When Levi was little everyone kept telling me how hard it was going to get and how much pain was in store and I always wondered why they told me that? Even if it were true (it wasn’t) what is the point in telling someone about all the misery that’s awaiting them? I found that each stage had its own ‘bumps’ but when I think of the hard times I always think of the first 6 months. I honestly don’t think I’d ever want to go back and do those again. Saying that, every stage was my ‘favorite’ with Levi. It just got better as he grew as a person and although that child has made me crazier than any other human being on this planet, I always enjoyed HIM. I remember how beautiful he was as a baby, but then I remember him saying, “I love you, Mommy!” as a toddler, and then I remember him telling me he would marry me one day when he was about 5. The bouquets of dandelions and the dirty face kisses…. And the day I realized that this kid was FUNNY! (I was driving and almost ran off the road) Every bit of it was better than the last and if you spend their whole childhood waiting for the hard parts you’ll miss out on the good stuff. And with every stage I always felt relief that the last part was over because this time was better.

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