In the learning development of an infant, there are many things to be mastered. There are many traits to be learned, many feats to be accomplished. We call these achievements “milestones”. Every time my little bundle of joy reaches one, I am filled with great awe and admiration at what he can do, and his never ending determination to get it done. I have never seen such will power and stubbornness as I see in that boy. But I am also filled with sadness, because at every milestone he reaches he gets farther from being my little baby.
It’s very bittersweet for me because on one hand I want him to grow. Every good parent wants that for there kids. I want the best for him in every part of life. Anything that I could help him attain that makes his life better then I want to be able to give him that. One the other hand, I’ve grown to like having a little baby. One that needed help to be fed his bottles, not one who is all to eager to take over, even pushing me away at times. It feels as if he’s saying “That’s enough mom, I’m big remember? I don’t need you any more.”
He of course doesn’t say this, but the realization hits me hard that some day not too far in the future, he won’t need me any more. He’ll be able to dress himself for school, and get on the bus without help after scarfing down a bowl of Cookie Crisp at lightning speed because he’s late. All this on his own. Without my help. This is hard to come to terms with.
He’s so little now, but he’s getting bigger. He was 22 pounds and 12 ounces yesterday. That’s a few pounds shy of 23 pounds. I guess, he’s really not so little, but then if your judging size by weight then he never really was. My angel baby that used to lay in my arms as I fed him, now kicks and thrusts his head into my neck if I hold him on his back or side. He wants to sit. He makes it blatantly clear that he is growing up despite my wants, or lack of for that matter. He is reaching each milestone, and passing it before I grow used to the others that he has completed.
Sunday afternoon, he crawled forward for the first time. It took my boyfriends XBOX controller to propel him forward. Once it was on the floor in front of him, it was all over. A few short “steps” on his hands and knees and my small infant was a toddler. I never got to enjoy his “rolling stage” as I call it, where he rolled everywhere all over the house. By the time he had gotten used to that he wanted a faster way to get around the house, and well, he found it. This is another milestone down. Another notch in his belt so to speak.
Talking is next, and he’ll have that down too soon enough. With every new thing he learns I get a little taste at what life will be like a few years down the road, when he is a full grown boy. It has it’s moments, but I really think I’m going to like it. Zaden is so smart, he knows far more than I give him credit for. I will never take my little guy for granted. He is what every mother dreams of while her babies are sleeping. He is the future. He is a part of me, but mostly he is himself. His personality is his own.
I love him more than air, he is my muse, and he’s the reason I get up everyday. He is my life, and so much more.