Blog: Entry for February 18, 2010

Not a whole lot going on in my world today. Just day dreaming a little, and thinking about life after I move. You know, living with your parents can be viewed as both a blessing and a curse. There’s so many things that make living at home while on a fixed income great, but also things that make it not so pleasant.

I have never actually sat down and wrote on paper how much supporting myself 100% would cost. This is mainly because I know before I even go down that road, that I can’t. Between bills, water and sewer, lights AND gas because here we pay all three, and necessities like toilet paper, trash bags, bleach and laundry soap (the list goes on), and personal hygiene products like shampoos and conditioner, body wash, face soap as well as Zaden’s bath things, it’s going to be pretty pricey. Even if I stick to off brand items, I’m still not going to be able to cover everything I need every month.

My mom helps me a great deal. She buys for her, me and Zaden more than we deserve (at least more than I do), and it’s hard because I want more than anything to be able to do it for myself, and my son. It’s a huge kick to my ego, when I have a need that I can’t meet. Not that I think she wouldn’t help, but the opposite,  she would and does in a heart beat.

The rules are what’s hard about living here. I understand that the world is full of rules. Stop signs and speed limits, no smoking signs, no parking signs, signs telling you where to park and which way to turn. Then there’s the laws, obvious and sometimes not. Then you have common courtesies you show to others. Rules are everywhere you look.

Part of being an adult I’ve learned is about following rules, being responsible, and learning right from wrong. In order to move out on my own, and set my own rules, I know that I have some responsibilities I don’t have right now. Living in a shared house means shared chores, living by myself means my chores alone. Honestly though, I’m not too worried.

My dishes will be my dishes, but then that means there will only be two people I’m doing dishes for and not three. My floors will be mine to sweep, but I’ll be the only one walking on it. My laundry will be mine to do, but I do that myself now anyways. The point I’m trying to make is, when you live alone, you do your chores alone. You pay your bills alone. You live alone.

The price I’m more than willing to pay for “freedom” of sorts, is that I’m agreeing to be an adult. To go about life in a way that is beneficial to myself, and to my son, and one that  honors my mom. She’s really doing a great job helping me, and I want her to see it was all worth it.

The end result, will be scary and wonderful with a little bit of mystery tossed in. I’m ready for it though. Freedom, bring it on.


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