I had a thought, some time in my pregnancy, probably around my second trimester when everything is mushy and gooey, when every thought of the baby growing inside you is romanticized and ultra emotional. I had it in my mind that my little boy would be this delicate fragile thing, and he would be dependent upon me for everything. I liked this thought. The fact that I would be needed and loved, and never shunned away by my baby.
Now that the “cuteness” has worn from my mind, I’ve started to see things are just not that way. Not that he’s stopped being cute, but I’ve started being practical. There were those months that I was needed. He still needed mommy’s help to feed him, and burp him, and tend to the needs that babies have. But now that need has been replaced with a desire to just “do”.
To crawl, and walk, and stand, and sit, and even to be left alone. That’s what stings the most, is he just wants to be left alone. He would love nothing more, than to crawl around the house all day. Up the stairs, and down (He doesn’t understand that he can’t crawl up or down the stairs without getting a serious injury, or maybe he doesn’t care).
When he wants to be fed he’d be content if I’d just pop a bottle in his mouth, and leave the room. When he finished he’d throw it down like he usually does, then continue on his journey of discovering how many electrical outlets are uncovered, and how many blind cords he can pull on. When he was tired he would fuss until I changed his diaper and put him in his crib. A pat on the tummy, would be one too many and I’d be thrown out of him room until the prince awakened, and I was called upon for another diaper change and then I would be required to put him on the floor.
He would be fine there until he wanted a meal, and this would go on until he tired of it and was bored.
My little man, is growing way too quickly. Today is his nine months birthday, and if you can guess it’s a hard one for me. Harder even than six months was. Although I’m sure that one year will be the hardest of all. I love my son and I want him to have every advantage I can. I want him to become the adult I know he will be, and this requires him to grow up.
Motherhood is the most emotional job a woman will ever have. Her duties are many. Often times she will put in long hours, her only benefits being sleep deprived, and nutritionally unsound. But when it’s all said and done, and you stand over your loved ones at night while they smile and twitch in their sleep, you are shown a glimpse of your purpose.
That’s what it’s all about. To loved and be loved, and to be strong enough to stand there through the hard times, when the road seems rough.