Blog: Entry for April 14, 2010

Hello again!

I have internet again and everything is up and running. Thank goodness! I have really missed writing these past few months. I’m learning a difficult lesson in balance.

My mother has told me since I was a teen ager how important it is to learn how to balance life. I’m slowly starting to understand exactly how important it is. Since I’ve moved and have gotten settled in (at least somewhat) my routine has gotten thrown off. My son’s getting older and he will be a year old next month. This is hard for me to believe that my baby is getting closer everyday to being a big boy. He shows me that he’s getting bigger by sleeping less. That was the first step of my failing old routine.

I was used to putting him to bed by six every night, and having him sleep until seven or eight the next morning. Yes, I know this seems too good to be true, but I really did get that lucky. That aside, his sleeping schedule has altered since before the move even. It is nothing now for him to stay up until seven or eight at night, and then be awake at six or seven the next morning. He will play quietly in his crib for about an hour, and then doze back off until eight or nine, while his eternally greatful mother sleeps. Even though this is great for my mornings, my evening which were spent reading magazines or finding gossip or news online are now spent playing peek-a-boo, and singing silly songs to a sleepy child who won’t sleep.

My routine was altered by chores as well. Things my mom used to help with are now my sole responsibility. A new washer and dryer I recently acquired has brought a urgency to do my piling laundry. I am so far behind with things that I “want”, because things that me and my son “need” have been brought to the front of the list, pushing everything else to the back. Including “fun”.

I miss fun. I can’t remember the last time I slept for 14 hours straight, but I recall vividly many a time when I needed to. I admire working single moms. There should be a special place in Heaven for them. Self sacrificing, unselfish, sleep deprived, motivated mothers who know what really matters in life. They put their wants behind them, promising themselves that when there’s “time”, that they will have a break. But when is there ever “time” when you have a kid? Honestly.

I’m not a “working mother” in the common usage of the word. I do not have paid employment, but I do have a full time job. I’m always on call, always expected to show up ahead of time, and to already be briefed on what’s going on and when. When my house is quiet, I relish in it. My schedule is jam packed, but I like the adventure. I like the rush I get when I stay busy. But the quiet evenings keep me sane.

That and the knowledge that I could have it a whole lot worse.

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