Toddling his way around my heart

Yesterday brought forth the dawn of a new day. Another chapter closed and sealed tight, and added to the list of things that will never again be. The time for me to place my son in a crib and know that he will be there upon my return is over. The time of following my expert crawler around the living room pulling out my hair in fear of what his tiny hands will grasp is also, indeed over. For I now have a toddler.

That’s right, I said it. He’s a toddler. It’s a hard concept for me to grasp. He should still be a tiny fragile infant, but alas, he’s now walking. Discovering his world on his own two feet is a struggle. He has been taking steps for a while now, but just one or two before he fell. He can now, walk unassisted across the room. It’s been a difficult adjustment for us both. His problem is balance, and to not get so excited he trips over his own feet. Mine is one of balancing our “new life”, a very mobile life.

With every step he takes, we take another step away from his infancy. Another step toward independence.   I always knew, some where deep down inside myself, that he would only be little for a season. This season has gone by far too quickly, and memories and pictures are all that remains of a much simpler time. Life was easy when I had a baby. My days seemed to pass much slower, time seemed to last longer. Now months seem like weeks, and weeks like days. Minutes pass by and are disappear in mere seconds. Where has time gone? Can it really be almost 14 months since the first time I held my son? That’s truly all the time that’s past since I brought him home? It doesn’t seem like that can be right. But the calendar tells me otherwise. His mouthful of teeth and head full of strawberry blonde hair says to believe the calendar, not the doubt in my mind.

My only regret in motherhood, though it is a major one I’m certain, is that I let the time slip away too soon. The hour glass has been trickling the sand since before I was even ready for a baby. It took me 14 months to catch up to it. Now that I see how far ahead of me the sand has traveled, part of me wishes to go back. To be in the simpler time. But there’s still part of me, most of me I think it would be safe to say, that loves where I am.

My favorite stage of his “babyhood” is right here. He’s learning so much, and growing everyday. Every morning he amazes me at what he knows and understands. From “cookie” to “cat” to “dog” his language is developing daily.

Well, dinner is needing to be fixed for an impatient toddler, and his slightly more patient grandmother. So I must stop my melancholic melodrama.

May you be blessed, and happy, and safe.

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