Imagine with me: Your dream opportunity; finally being able to do something you like, getting paid a pretty good wage for doing it, AND being able to work from your couch. I don’t know a mother, or any other person for that matter, who wouldn’t want that chance. Add a couple of recent promotions to the list and it seems like any person in this scenario would be living the dream.
And I guess I am, or at the very least I feel I should be. But I don’t feel that way. Yeah sure, I love my job. Maybe a bit too much some days. The people I work with are fantastic, my boss is amazing, and I’m advancing at a pace others in my office are claiming to be “unfair”. And yet, I am not contempt. Not because I’m ungrateful, and certainly not because I haven’t been working extremely hard. I’m just simply not satisfied watching my little man’s life go by while working behind a closed door to my bedroom.
I work on the phone every day for 8 hours plus, and a hyperactive 3 y/o isn’t conductive to that line of business. My boyfriend stays at home now and does the Daddy thing, while I work. It really seems to be the best for all of us. After my first promotion and a small raise and after realizing he needed some time off as much as we needed to save on baby-sitting we decided it was the best for him to resign and help out here.
But now Mommy’s little baby has become Daddy’s big boy and he makes it clear that he wants to be just like “Dada”. He wears Daddy’s Hats when he used to wear Mommy’s headbands. He walks in Daddy’s tennies when he used to wear Mommy’s heals. He talks like him, walks like him and even has his own (old broken) XBOX controller, determined to become his Daddy’s twin.
It would be okay for him to stop acting like his Mama, if he hadn’t stopped respecting me too. My son used to listen to me and he would always do what I told him. Now he laughs in my face and looks at Daddy to shut me up. Of course his Daddy backs me up every time, but I still can’t help feeling undermined by a toddler.
I know all is not lost, and it’s probably nothing more than me being emotional, but it doesn’t take the sting away. Daddy gives baths, 2 meals of his 3, and plays with him in the day. When Mommy is off “lock-down” (aka work) I always spend as much time as possible with hi before bed.
Will he ever grow out of loving his Daddy? I hope not. Will he go back to being my lovable snuggle bug? I certainly hope so. Will he resent me as much as I resent me for working so much? I guess time will tell.